First Impression, First Dream

My Happy Place

I don't recall much from my childhood, unfortunately. Only glimpses of random occasions, single sentences out of context, sometimes a face and a fragment of a conversation. I wish it could be more. I do remember one sunny afternoon in the summer of 1984 though, when my parents took us to the seaside for the first time. We rented a little cottage in the middle of a pine forest in the Slowinski National Park, just by the sand dunes. The holiday town, Rowy, was about an hour ride by bus from our new home town, Slupsk. We used to live in the Pomeranian lakeside, and when mum was pregnant with my brother, we moved to the seaside, to build a bigger house for a growing family. I was six at the time, my little brother was about one year old.

After unpacking our holiday gear for two weeks, we set for a walk to the sea. It seemed like a long walk for my little legs from our cottage to the beach and I didn't know what to expect. I was curious. I was fascinated by the many pine cones everywhere. I was gazing at the crowns of the trees swaying in the wind, wondering how many more pine cones could drop down. We came out of the forest straight to the beach and there it was. I held on to one of the pines and couldn't move. My eyes widened. I stood breathless for a moment and when the first shock vanished, I started running to the shore as fast as I could with the biggest smile on my face. I never knew my arms and legs could move with such vigour. I stopped right at the sea shore and stood on the wet sand by the sea, too confused and excited to get into the water.

I tried catching the waves with my feet, stepping on them one foot at a time and I kept staring at the overwhelmingly huge waters of the Baltic Sea in front of me. I was mesmerised. I was in love; my eyes and my heart were filled with awe. I was astonished how big the sea was. When we swam or went fishing in the lake, I always saw the other side. I knew where the water started and where it finished. I knew the beginning and the end. The sea was a completely different story. I pointed at the horizon and asked my mum:

'What's there, Mama?'

'It's Sweden.' I looked at her puzzled, and she repeated: 'On the other side of the sea is Sweden.'

'Where is the other side? I can't see it! Why can't I see it? What is Sweden?' I wanted to know.

'Sweden is a country that lies on the other side of the Baltic Sea,' my mum explained.

'Why can't I see it? I want to see it!'

My mum said that we couldn't see the other side because the sea was too big, but if we came back here on a day with a clear blue sky and look intensely, we might be able to see it. I looked up at her again and frowned. That was some sort of an explanation, alright, but I still couldn't see Sweden! This wasn't enough for me, I wanted to know more. And what else is there, besides Sweden? I was burning to find out. One thing I knew and it stayed clear to me forever: the sea was absolutely amazing.

I turned around and I saw my brother running around in circles on the beach and playing with the sand, happily stumbling and falling over on the soft surface with contagious laughter. His curly, blond hair and chubby cheeks made him look like a little angel and he was always close to mum.

Needless to say, I spent all my days on the beach during those holidays, playing in the sea, catching waves and discovering seashells and sunset. On my way back to the cottage I would collect pine cones. When mum said we were not taking them back home, I couldn't believe it, I was devastated. I had to act quickly. I waited till everyone falls asleep, I hid the collection of pine cones at the bottom of my bag under my clothes, and sure enough, I smuggled them all to my room in Slupsk.

I wasn't tempted by the many attractions at the funfair like all the other children my age at the time, the sea was all I needed. I reluctantly left the beach only when mum said we were going to the town to have fish and chips or an ice cream. My brother was enslaved to waffles with whipped cream and blueberries.

Strawberries and sultanas were good, too. He continued in this state for many years after those holidays.

As I said, I don't remember too many things from my childhood, but during that summer day when I saw the Baltic Sea for the first time in my life, I promised myself I would see the world. Not only Sweden from this side of the sea on a clear blue sky day, but the whole world. I called it: my dream. I was determined from this day on to do it. I didn't know then what it meant or how I was going to do it, but I was certain that what I wanted to do in my life, was to see the world. I had no doubt it was going to happen.

Perth, Western Australia - Home since 2016